In a way, it will seem to the people who truly know me, that I’ve had a downward spiral, culminating in the effective “suicide” of my “life” (meaning my career, steps to owning another home, finding a new partner, marrying and having more children). But like Tyler Durden said in Fight Club:
“You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your fucking khakis.”
A beautifully illustrative comment. The book Fight Club, was devoured by me when it hit the shelves years ago, being a voracious reader and retired fighter, I thought the story was about a man joining an underground fighting ring…boy was I wrong! The gents from the minimalists blog http://www.theminimalists.com/fc/ had this to say about the book.
“Fight Club” is not a film about fighting. It’s a narrative about life and getting rid of the corporate and cultural influences (or perhaps the confluence of the two) that control our lives.”
I could write for hours laying out the history and pathogenesis of both of those influences. I wont, I’ll save that for campfire discussion with you when I see you. What I will write is a very brief recount of how I came to my Awakening.
Almost eighteen months ago, I lost the love of my life (due in part to my “splinter in my mind” and the increasing dissatisfaction of my feeling of underwhelmed in life). From this loss, the domino’s fell in order, my home, my business, my social circle, even my geography changed. I ended up on the other side of Oz at a siblings house, as I struggled to keep it together, after losing everything my identity was built upon. Being (amongst other things) a Hypnotist/NLP practitioner I went to work on myself. Three months later, I’m working five full days per week at a nice little clinic by the sea. Small circle of family and friends, occasional dates with beautiful women.
Success.
But was it really? working fifty plus hours a week, commuting ten hours a week. Sixty hours a week, to do what? Be busy, help people. Make money. For what? “Rebuild” my life. Move in to my own place, get an investment portfolio going. Why? So I can have all I had before, but better. Why?
Freedom to live a self directed life!
Aha!
But you still have to pay thirty percent in income tax, commercial rent, practitioner insurances, registration fees, ongoing education, stock costs, marketing, advertising, accounting fees. You have residential rent, furniture, whitegoods, clothes, toiletries, telecommunication, food costs keep climbing, water isn’t free. Cars need fuel, registration, insurance, maintenance, you need a license. Entertainment? Don’t have time, busy working to “get ahead”.
Of What?
Ahead of whom?
When did you sign up for any of this in your life?
After all those factors are covered, then you can go and enjoy the fruits of your labours.
I pushed on even so far as having investors offering me millions of dollars for me to rebuild my business bigger and better. I ended up thinking better of that.
For months my yoga and meditation practice increased, I re watched the movie Limitless starring Bradley Cooper. Brilliant film, inspired me to unlock my potential to “Be more”.
So with my encyclopaedic knowledge of the human body and mind I set to work on achieving “Super Conciousness”. I worked on decalcifying my pineal gland, deep meditation, trance work and hypnosis (with and without the gentle aid of anodynes). I shifted my diet (no meat), no sex (not hard as I kept finding loopy women) went really deep with the more esoteric aspects of my nearly thirty years of martial arts training.
Bingo! I got it!
I awoke to something, I struggle to describe.
To know yourself, truly, is awful and wonderful. To know the world on deeper levels, than you have been experiencing it, is horrifying. I truly experienced “The Dark Night of The Soul” didn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t work.
I got ill for a while too. At one stage yoghurt was all I could eat. I’ve lost twenty kilograms of muscle. I’m not “Enlightened” in the classical sense, just…Awake.
Awakening implies previously being in a state of sleep. What was I asleep to?
I have successfully De-hypnotised myself of many of the conscious and unconscious programmes we receive from the moment of birth and onward.
Of the many realisations I’ve come to, one is, that all of us are never free, we are effectively free range chickens, being harvested of our singular and collective efforts. The ties that bind us are extensive, subtle and very pervasive. Ironically we all co-create and participate in it.
To what purpose?
Smoky Ranger
The saga of Smoky Ranger 